Fall To Pieces
by ValaMagic
Summary: Well, yet another SJ fic. It's all the stuff surrounding the break up with Pete. I know that's a bit old, but yeah R


A.N: Well, I know that this is totally different to the way it went in the show. But this is just how I thought the whole break up thing with Pete could go, with of course Jack and Sam thrown in. - - - - 

**_Fall To Pieces _**

"Sam" he said it quietly, she took in his sombre slightly nervous expression, and she was pretty confident she knew what he was about to say, and it wasn't good.

"I can't marry you" he said it with barely an ounce of emotion, but she knew this was painful for him.

"Why?" she asked calmly with a little hurt in her voice "Did you meet someone else?"

"No" he sighed "You did"

"What do you mean?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"That O'Neill guy, what was his name. The one you kept calling sir. You two spent the whole evening flirting together. You hardly even talked to me"

"Pete, he's my commanding officer, we've worked together nine years, we're friends. We do not flirt with each other"

Sam thought back to the night in question, they'd both acted exactly as they always had around each other. How could they have been flirting? Shit! She realised with a start, that they had been flirting. She hadn't even realised it, he probably hadn't either. Which meant, they always acted like that. They'd been flirting shamelessly for years she realised, and neither of them had even noticed.

She was startled from her thoughts by Pete. "You love him, don't you" it was more a statement than a question, but she still thought it deserved an answer.

"No" she replied emphatically. "Well, I guess" she added slowly "But only as a friend."

"Sam don't lie to me"

"I'm not lying, he's my commanding officer, I can't have feelings like THAT for him"

"But you do"

"No" she said again.

"Sam, stop lying to me. I'm not stupid I've seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. The way people watch you, waiting for something to happen." Pete was angry now, yelling at the woman sitting opposite him.

"Yes, fine you're right" she screamed "I do love him; I want to marry him, have his kids. I've always loved him" she yelled, tears streaming down her face.

Pete just watched her uncharacteristic outburst. "The weddings off, Sam" Pete said loudly, but the pain was evident in his eyes.

"I don't care, Pete" she screamed through her tears. Tears threatened to fall from his own eyes as he fled from her house and her life. Forever. He'd done the right thing, but that didn't make it any easier.

-

She heard his car pull away from the house and she broke down. She felt as if her carefully sculpted life had just fallen to pieces around her. The fact that it had all been a lie to begin with was entirely beside the point. Huge sobs wracked her entire body, as she cried freely. In her tears she finally found the release she needed. She didn't know why she was crying, she realised as wet drops fell freely onto her jeans and carpet.

Even after she'd accepted Pete's proposal she didn't expect it to last. She knew he'd notice, like everyone else, the obvious attraction between her and General Jack O'Neill. He had.

The relationship was doomed from the start. Sam hadn't admitted it to anyone, but when she said she loved Pete, she wasn't lying. She loved him. She just wasn't in love with him, and there was a big difference.

She was glad it had ended she decided. She was glad it had ended before they got married. It would've ended one day anyway, at least this way there was no messy divorce. But even this thought did nothing to comfort her as the tears continued to fall. Knowing it would've ended anyway, made it easier to move on, so did the thought of a certain General O'Neill, but like any serious relationship it would take time to fully let go.

-

"Daniel, where's Carter?" the question was almost frantic.

"Did you try her lab?" Daniel asked as if it was obvious.

"Of course I tried her lab"

"She's not there?"

"Ya think"

"Commissary?"

"No"

"Well, she's gotta be somewhere" Daniel said calmly turning back to his work

"Yeah, not here"

"Oh yeah. I just remembered, she rang earlier, said she wasn't coming in today"

"And you didn't think that was odd?"

"No, not really" Daniel wasn't really paying attention.

"How many times in eight years, has she taken the day off"

"I dunno, not many" Daniel replied distractedly

"Never, that's how many. Something's gotta be wrong"

"Yeah, Jack, whatever you say"

"Why do I even bother?" Jack muttered as he walked out of Daniel's lab.

Jack didn't think twice as he dashed towards Sam's lab. His only thought was making sure she was okay. He tried to stay calm, he'd ring her up, see what was wrong. See why for the first time in he didn't know how many years Sam wasn't at work.

"Sam, are you there, come on, pick up" Jack said into the phone, his voice growing more panicked with every ring. He drummed his fingers on the bench, her lab seemed so empty.

He laptop was gone, but Jack didn't think anything of it, she almost always took it home, he would have been more worried if it had actually been there. A few alien devices were scattered across her desk, and there was a very small pile of folders in her in box, but for her that was normal.

Jack tried to remember the last time he'd seen Sam. It was in the commissary, they'd shared jello together while Sam prattled on about a device SG10 had brought back on their last mission. Jack was confused after about ten seconds, but Sam had kept talking. She'd seemed happy he thought. She was definitely okay then.

When was that again, he wondered. Had it been yesterday? He wasn't sure. It could have been days for all he knew.

Jack turned his attention back to the phone. It had rung out. He slammed the phone onto its hook and rushed out of the lab. Less than five minutes later he stood on the surface, slightly out of breath as he climbed into his truck and turned on the ignition.

-

The daylight streamed into the room through a crack in the curtain. As the morning light touched her body she flinched away, retreating further into the covers of her bed. The tears had finally stopped coming but Sam hardly noticed. A numbness remained.

Sam reached for the phone beside her bed and numbly dialled Daniel's number at the SGC. "Hello?" he seemed distracted.

"It's me" Sam said quietly her voice empty and void of all emotion.

"Oh hey Sam" Daniel said happily.

"I'm not coming in today" Sam said, waiting for him to start asking questions she wasn't prepared to answer.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow" Daniel replied.

"Yeah, see you" Sam forced herself to say before she hung up. She pulled herself into a tight ball under the covers, and stared blankly at the wall.

The phone rang startling her. Briefly she wondered what time it was, not that it mattered. She didn't care. She ignored the phone, pulling herself into a tighter ball, and eventually the foreign noise stopped.

Most likely it was someone from work wanting to know where she was. Or, it was Pete. Either way she didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially Pete. She wasn't ready for any of that. Sam sunk back into her vegetable like state, of not moving and not knowing how much time passed.

She heard a knock at the door. There was no way she was going to answer it. She ignored it for a few moments but whoever it was kept knocking. Didn't they know she didn't want to see anyone.

When she couldn't ignore it any longer Sam crawled out of bed and walked down the stairs barely realising she was moving. She didn't give a thought to what she must look like; all she wanted was to get rid of whoever was at her door as quickly as possible.

As she reached the door she could hear someone yelling frantically outside. "Carter, Carter, open up. Sam, are you in there? Please Sam" He sounded pitiful and knowing Jack O'Neill he wouldn't give up until she let him in. Fine, she decided but her better make it quick.

"Coming sir"

"Finally" he said as she opened the door. She just stared blankly at him, waiting impatiently for him to leave. "Can I come in?" she sighed and stepped aside so he could squeeze into her house. He headed straight for the kitchen and Sam heard him flick the switch of the kettle to on. Typical: straight to the coffee.

She almost smiled when he came into the living room a few minutes later, two steaming mugs of coffee in his hands. He handed one to her and she smiled weakly at him. She took a few sips, just how she like it. She drank a little more, coffee always made you feel better. Some of the life began to come back to her, some colour on her face, her brain began to function again, and all of a sudden it hit her.

"Sir, not to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?" she was sue the question had come across more aggressive than she would've liked, but she didn't really care.

"Came to check on you" he replied matter of factly, but Sam was sure there was more to it.

"Sir" she said warningly, adding on her best tell me or else face.

For a few moments Jack was silent, but it wasn't long before he gave in. "Oh alright, Danny told me you'd called in sick, I got worried so I rang up to check on you, when you didn't answer I came over."

"Whatever you say, sir"

"It's the truth" he insisted, sounding more like a five year old boy, than a fifty year old man. Sam almost smiled at that.

"Sir, why wouldn't I be fine?"

"Carter, I have worked with you for almost ten years. This is the first time you've taken a day off work. Besides it's my job as your CO, to make sure you're okay."

"Sir, I don't think they meant turning up at your 2IC's house" she told him, a slight smile gracing her features, as she started to feel better (a combination of the coffee and Jack).

"You mean you don't want me here?" Jack asked, feigning hurt. Sam laughed.

"Course I want you here" They slipped into a comfortable silence, Jack sipped his coffee, looking almost thoughtful, while Sam fiddled with her now empty coffee mug.

"So are you?" Jack asked, Sam looked at him puzzled.

"Am I what?"

"Okay" Jack said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm not sure" Sam replied, the laughter suddenly gone from her voice.

Something was wrong; this wasn't the Carter he knew. "Sam?" he asked quietly.

"It's nothing" she replied trying to sound casual.

"If it's nothing then why aren't you at work?" well he had her there.

She looked down at her hands, which were fiddling with the handle of her coffee mug. She looked at the finger where her engagement ring should have resided. Jack followed her gaze.

"I broke up with Pete last night" she said, not daring to look into his eyes. Not knowing what to expect.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jack asked, although, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Not really"

"Okay, then" Jack searched the room for something he could talk about, suddenly wishing the empty coffee mug on the table were still in his hands, so he would have something to fiddle with.

An awkward silence hung between them, his words still in her mind. She stared into the remnants of her coffee, not looking up but feeling Jack's eyes staring at her, waiting for her to tell him of the night before. He knew her better than she did. He was giving her the space she needed to sort out her thoughts, because he knew that even while she insisted she didn't want to talk about it, he was sure that she needed to. He would wait, and when she was ready to talk, he would be there.

Jack looked at his hands resting in his lap, studied the dirt left under his nails. He studied the books on Sam's bookshelf, sorted into category and then alphabetically (most of them were about science). He was looking everywhere but the one place he desperately wanted to look.

He went back to studying his hands. That's when he heard her sobbing. He was out of his seat and across the room, sitting next to her before he'd even realised what was happening. Sam looked up at him, tears sparkling on her face, eyes red and puffy, and to him she was more beautiful than she'd ever been. She looked at him questioningly. He opened his arms and she slid into his embrace, letting her tears fall.

He continued holding her long after her tears stopped falling and she didn't complain. He wondered if she'd complain if he held her forever.

When he was sure she was okay he crossed the room back to his own seat, giving Sam a little space. Neither of them spoke for several minutes. It wasn't exactly a tense moment, but neither of the two could have been said to be relaxed. It was Sam that eventually broke the silence between them.

"I'm sick of living this lie, Jack. I don't want to do it anymore. I didn't love him. I should never have said yes."

"You don't need to explain this to me, Sam, it's none of my business"

"Yes, it is. You're a huge part of this" Sam took a breath, it was time to come out with it. "I thought that if I dated Pete it would take my mind off who I really love. I thought I could move on. Forget him. It should never have gotten so far. I was lying to myself as much as to him when I said I loved him."

"I thought this had something to do with me?"

"It does. I'm not finished yet"

"Oh" Jack replied and was silent again, waiting for Sam to go on.

"The reason all this hurts so much, isn't that he broke up with me. It's not even that I didn't see it coming. It hurts because the whole time I was lying to myself. Pretending to forget you. Pretending I don't love you. I tried to forget you and it didn't work" she took a breath, this would probably be the hardest thing she ever had to say. "That's why I've decided to lave Colorado Springs, and the Stargate Program behind. I was going to tell everyone tomorrow."

She was on the verge of crying again. When she finally had the nerve to look at Jack she did begin to cry. He looked confused, hurt, betrayed and she couldn't even tell what else. "You can't just leave, Sam" his eyes however said more than his words.

"I don't have any choice Jack. I can't stay here any longer. It hurts too much" She was angry. Why couldn't he just let her leave. She'd told him everything, now he was just making it harder.

"Sam, you have to understand. You're not alone. It hurts me too. Sometimes it hurts so much I have to lock myself in my office just to stop from kissing you."

"Sir, don't be ridiculous"

"I'm not. I honestly have to do that sometimes… You can't go Sam." Jack was desperate to make her see that he needed her.

"Even if I did stay, it wouldn't be any easier. I'd still find you irresistible."

"What if I said stuff the regulations? What if I retired?"

"You can't do that for me. What about your job?"

"Sam, I'd rather have you than my job." He stood up walked over to where she sat, planted a light kiss on her forehead lingering a little longer than necessary. His breath was hot on her face "Just think about it"

He started heading for the door, but she'd already made her decision. She stood up but not to see him out. "Jack. I'll stay, but only if I get you"

He smiled and she smiled back, he face still a little puffy from her earlier crying. He looked her over and their eyes met "Deal"

A.N: Well, what did you think. Now it's time for you all to review.

Wow haven't written anything for ages. I started this before the episode even came on. It feels so good to have it finished.


End file.
